Thursday, January 3, 2013

a post on moving...

Emily: While walking the other day, I saw a moving van. Ugh, I thought. How awful to move this close to a holiday.

Wait a minute. The majority of our moves have taken place near a holiday.

My family moved from Niles to Cicero (neither are the towns in Illinois) the week before Thanksgiving.

Bill and I moved from Savannah to Ocean Grove the weekend before Christmas.

We moved from Toms River to Grand Rapids right before the 4th of July.

And I'm pretty sure he moved over Labor Day weekend before we met.

We've moved in the rain, sun, heat, and sleet. Oddly enough, we have never  moved in the spring.

Bill: It is never a good time to move. I hate moving. Unless I am taking possessions to vacation home in the woods, I don't ever want to move again. Decorating and undecorating for Christmas is enough like moving that I get my yearly fix.

Oh, by the way, don't worry. We're not moving.

Friday, November 30, 2012

"You only listen to what I don't say"

Bill's lunch today was leftovers from Thanksgiving. He conveniently dumped it all in a bowl and called it lunch.

What? Did you think he was going to come up with a clever name? Erm, no.

What? Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, roasted veggies all mushed together with some American cheese... It was a bowl of Thanksgiving. A Thanksgiving bowl.

Just now on Triple D (Diners, Drive-ins and Dives) we saw a restaurant where they are doing the same thing. They are doing one thing different; they're deep-frying it.

I saw Bill's face as he watched. I could tell he really wanted those leftovers so he could recreate it all over again.

He'll have to settle for using our leftovers from tonight's dinner, chicken meuniere and risotto. It too would be good deep fried.

It won't be the same. You need to have multiple carbohydrates and the right amount of fat. You can't do that with chicken.

Beside all that, I went for the whole Shepherd's pie jive, rather than the deep fried balls. 

Now... about deep fried balls...

Friday, November 25, 2011


Emily: Remember when today used to be known as, "the Friday after Thanksgiving"? Just a regular old Friday. A day off from school. A four-day weekend. Now we call it "Black Friday". It's become part of our vernacular. It doesn't belong to us. I (like most things) blame the media. They're the ones who start most things.

This was the term used by retailers, not consumers, to describe the day. Then the media picked up on it and now it's used by everyone.

Remember the Elmo doll? Only because the media said there weren't enough of them, or that they were going to be the hottest item, did people go all bonkers. It was just a toy.

Now stores are staying open. First, they were opening early, like 6am. Then it went to opening at midnight. Now, Old Navy was actually open on Thanksgiving. We're boycotting them. And Kohl's (because they used that awful song).

What happens to the people who work retail? Bill and I both know. But working at those odd hours? No one gets a holiday anymore. The American Consumerism (and media) have gone too far. What's wrong with offering these great deals at "normal" store hours? You know, 9am-noon?

Last year (and a couple years ago) I went out at 3pm on Friday. Stores were mostly empty, looking as though tornadoes had swept through them. There has not been anything I have ever wanted enough to warrant standing in line. I know, it's fun for a lot of our friends. But having been on the retail side, it's not fun for the people who have to work. Maybe I'm just being a downer.

Bill: no, you're right. I watched the news this afternoon and there was a man who was missing Thanksgiving dinner with his family. He said something to the effect of, "I can have dinner any time... This TV will last longer than some dinner." Sad. Especially because the man revealed it was his birthday. I can't imagine how his kids are translating the fact that Daddy would rather spend time in a line waiting for a piece of junk TV than spend time with them on Thanksgiving.

As I write this, the NBC news is doing its piece on violence throughout the U.S. All for cheap, poorly made 'things" that we could all live without.

The retailers have done a great job of both convincing us we need these things and that now is the best time, the only time, to buy.

Who do we have to convince us that time with our families and time in thanks of all our country's bounty is truly the most important thing in the world. But, since we have already accepted that there is only one day per year where we need to be actively thankful, I guess I am old fashioned and way too late to change the way things are.

Happy Holidays, indeed.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Fourd Car Family

Emily: Go head over to Bill's blog and read about our newest addition.

Yes. We now currently own four cars. One, GrandMa Marjorie Rubenstein aka Large Marge the Barge, is about to find a new home. Actually a new home has already found her. We're just waiting on the paper work to get her transfered. We sound like an orphanage for cars or something.

Bill: We've owned 4 cars before. No, wait, this is the first. But at one point we owned 2 houses and three cars at once. That was scary. At least we had a place to park them all. It's a little tight right about now.

Emily: As my dad pointed out last night, we're a four car family. And three out of the four are Fords (say that five times fast... okay I just tried it, not as difficult as it seems).

Bill: Get it? a fourd car family? Hahaa... Is it bad that Bill Ford sends us a personally written Christmas card thanking us for single-handedly saving the company? Maybe he'll let me take over the Lions... I couldn't do worse than anyone else in that job. I think there should be a tax break in this somewhere. Or at least Mike Rowe can come and do a stupid commercial about us. Perhaps the premise could be why two people with no kids just spent a lot of money on a seven passenger vehicle.

Emily:I got a new car (leased, I'll remind you) and Bill got his new car. It is nice. I do like it. And don't worry, I'll be begging to drive it this winter since we cheaped out on my car and I do not have heated seats. But I have the better stereo. But not the 6-disc cd changer. None of this makes sense. At least to me, a female. I know. It all has to do with different packages. Whatever, I'm not in the car business. Not the production end. Apparently we're on the "we own a fleet" end, whatever that means. Hey! Wanna buy a car?

Bill: Get on down to Crazy Vaclav's Place of Cars (That reference is for about 4 people who will know from whence it came), for the best deals! Located on a postage stamp sized lot in the middle of town! You won't believe our selection! You want sports car? We got sports car. You need cop car taxi cab, we got cop car taxi cab. You want frugal city chick car? We got frugal city chick car! You want mommy-mobile? Hey, I got mommy mobile! Unbelievably high prices and terrible service are what makes us unique! We finance no one. Cash only, deadbeat. Crazy Vaclav's of Alger Heights: "If you can't find it here, get off my property!"

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The End Of Harry Potter

Emily: We watched "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2" at the IMAX theater in 3-d (also known as 3D for normal Americans). It's also known as the world's longest movie title. It's quite the mouthful to say. "The Last Harry Potter" is much shorter. And if you're a "potter-head" you know what it means.

Bill: Actually, HP 7.5 is even shorter, though it has the unintended consequence of sounding like an operating system or a copy machine. Whatever it's call, it is indeed, the end. Your point?

Emily: Bill and I did not sit next to each other in the theater. We went with friends and friends of theirs. There were twelve of us total. We sat in three rows, instead of being spread out. I don't know why I mention that, but it seems important. Maybe I'll figure out why later in the post.

Bill: Even I don't know what she's talking about, folks... let's read on together, shall we?

Emily: Back to why Bill and I did not sit next to each other. It's not because we don't like each other, it was more of just how we walked into the theater and sat down. I was sitting between Chandra and Allison. Allison is going into 9th (Nope... 8th) grade. Chandra is our Jr. High youth leader.

Bill: Anyone still reading? Anyone? Hello? I would tell you it gets better, but I haven't read on yet, either. I can't lie... I'm losing hope.

Emily: We all decided that the 3-d (3D) glasses were uber dorky and that clown glasses would look better. I'm not a fan of 3-d (3D). This was the first movie I have ever watched (don't forget it was IMAX) in 3-d (3D), and by the end my eyes hurt. I couldn't wait to take off the glasses. I've already told Bill, if TV goes 3-d (3D), I will stop watching. 3-d (3D) is what the theater (as in live) is for (Theatre- you know, acting!). TV is meant to be 2-d (2D). The 3-d (3D) made the CGI look even more fake. I'll say it again, I'm not a fan of 3-d (3D) technology.

Bill: I get the impression she doesn't like 3D technology. However, while I agree that 3D isn't developed to where it needs to be to actually enhance the cinema experience, it didn't hurt my eyes and I don't care how the glasses look because I am watching the movie. I also will take the time to point out that Em and technology aren't the best of friends, so she is not what we call an early adopter.

I will admit, as I did in my blog that there was one scene that made me have to close my eyes due to the beginning pangs of motion sickness.

Emily: Again, I digress (Bill: Not for long, I bet). Had Bill and I sat next to each we would probably have been lauging at completely inappropriate times because of the banter we would have been exchanging. As it was, at one point Allison leaned over to me and whispered, "I hope Harry's not naked in the death scene" (Bill: Translation, I hope Harry is naked in the death scene).When the scene began, it was quite obvious he was clothed, and I really wanted to lean over and tell her it was okay. But I didn't.

Then, in one of the end scenes, Filch (the Hogwarts Caretaker) is begrudgingly sweeping up the mess. Castle debris from the massive warfare and carnage. In the epic moment, I leaned over to Chandra and said, "He's going to need a bigger broom." Which I thought was a brilliant statement. (Bill: With all apologies to Roy Scheider and Peter Benchley) Bill had some funny ones too. And apparently is too busy making fun of me to share any of them.

Bill: But since the tickets cost the equivelant of the yearly household income of a Lithuanian family, I decided to keep them to myself and let Jason enjoy the movie. That and my breath was bad, so I didn't feel the need to share. And, for once, people weren't talking through the whole movie. Probably because they were all worried about the balloon payments on the ticket loans coming through.

Emily: At any rate, it's the end of an era. The Harry Potter saga has come to an end, except for the new website being launched by JK Rowling, or whenever someone picks up the first book and starts the adventure all over again. I will read through them again. It's what I like to do. And so Harry will live on in our hearts and our imaginations.

Bill: A whole blog post For this? No lead, no middle, no conclusion. What's the point? The end of an era? Is it good? Bad? Are you sad? Did you like the movie or hate the 3D? I don't get it! I thought you were going to wax nostalgic about how you made me read the books aloud with you despite my myriad protests.

I am going to publish this, but at the same time, I am disavowing any part of it. Go see the movie, it's great. It answers all the questions you ever had. Yes, Snape was a good guy after all; Dumbledore was gay; Harry didn't have to die after all to kill Voldemort; Neville Longbottom grew up to be kind of a bad ass; Ron and Hermione end up together and Malfoy lives. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, watch the movies or better yet read the books. The 3D technology in my head is much better than what's on screen, although Emma Watson is equally as cute. Now that's a conclusion.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Pay Backs

Emily: Bill always says that when I try to do something [mean] to him, that God doesn't like it. Now, in our Methodist beliefs, we do not believe our God is a vengeful God (at least I don't). It's really more of a joke. But it happens every time. For instance: we're joking around and Bill says something as a joke, so I playfully go to punch him/kick him/aim something at him, and I somehow always get hurt instead. Always. It's become quite amusing.

Bill: It never seems to amuse you at the time. I think it is always hilarious.

Emily: This morning, I was typing my blog. Go read it. Please. At the end, I had wrapped it all up and was just finishing when all of a sudden I decided to dump my hot, freshly poured, full cup of coffee in my lap. I jumped up and left all electronics to go jump immediately in the shower. I was dripping with coffee.

Bill: But the important thing is that there was enough coffee left to refill her mug, since I had not made a full pot, since I knew I wouldn't be drinking my normal 8 cups. Crisis averted.

Emily: As I was mopping up my desk, I sort of chuckled to myself. I had just glanced up at my computer screen and seen my blog. My blog which isn't trying to be hurtful, but I could hear Bill's voice, "See what happens when you're mean to me?" So here I am, writing a second blog of the morning. I'm hoping to set the planets straight. I'm giving Bill a chance to add in words to his defense (even though he wasn't even here when this happened).

Bill: And I admit I didn't cover the stupid beans. It was literally the first time in months I haven't covered something. But, in the sake of full diclosure, you also microwaved beans the night before and you aren't as perfect as you like to think you are. So, it's 50-50 and the last time you accused me you burnt your legs off. Seems to me it would be a lot easier to just take the blame. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

groups of things

Emily: Once I was having a discussion with our neighbor as to what a group of bats is called (a colony). And we all know a group of crows is a "murder". Here's a handy link if you want to check out other animals. Bill came up with a name for a collection of Vera Bradley bags...

Bill: A Puke... It is heretofore known as a puke of Vera Bradley. And since there can be many group names for things, I will also accept A Hernia... as in a hernia of Vera bradley.

Some other things I have decided to name. A group of those ridiculously expensive Longaberger baskets are to be known as a Cash. As in, damn, that's a lot of cash you have tied up in those baskets. Not be be confused with a cache.

Partylight, another home marketing demon that has been visited upon my home shall henceforth be known as an inferno.

Pampered Chef is another of my wife's hobbies. A collection of Pampered Chef is now known as a smorgassboard, for obvious reasons. If the reasons are not obvious, you need to look up either Pampered Chef or smorgassboard. If then the reasons are not obvious, consult your physician.

A collection of eu de toilet shall be called a stench.

A pile of bills will now be known as a depression.

Thus spoke, I.

Emily: I just want to add, a pile of car magazines is now known as useless.